While writing the last post's Update II, I came to deeply realize that there are so many parts of myself that I want to disallow, portions of me that I try and edit and suppress, things which I'm ashamed of or that I'm not comfortable with, that I wish were different.True power comes from always being right where I am, no matter what.
"It is as it is", says Eckhart Tolle.
Denying that which is blocks power and cuts me off from my complete self, my wellspring of happiness and completeness.
Accepting everything about me at this moment, the excess weight, the crappy recital, the occasional harsh words that come out of my mouth; that's all real, and that's truth. Wishing it were different is sort of like lying. It's exactly like lying: lying to my deepest self. Not loving myself. Being ashamed of the wonderful divinity that's in me that's wanting, itching to be expressed if only I would or could let it. Seeing the "bad" and allowing it to just be is liberating and powerful and gives access to the complete self. Some people call this "romancing the shadow" or "embracing the shadow self". I call it "not fooling myself anymore" and "getting to know the real me" and "congruence".
Not that "acceptance" here means "wallowing in" or "defeat". Rather it means "Finally, I've got all of me back once more and can use everything I have at my disposal to get to where I've been wanting to go all along".
Denying a part of me is soul-loss; I cut off that bit which I can't/won't identify with, hence weakening myself.
"Why would you want to keep all those bad qualities and attributes?" I hear you ask.
Why would I want to go through life being a partial person? Much better to be flawed and living full tilt.
The Toaists believe that everything is always in motion, changing from one aspect of itself into another, hence the yin/yang symbol as metaphor for life: you can't have darkness without light, nor light without darkness. The contrast defines the whole.
So, to become more congruent, I've decided to accept those pesky, quirky, unsavory parts of myself, look at them honestly and love them for exactly what they are if for no other reason than that I want to be whole and have the strength to move on from them again, to be whole once again.
Acceptance is not defeat. It is knowing and seeing that what is, is.
Insanity is seeing what is and calling it something else.
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5 comments:
What marvelous realizations! What personal freedom & expansion occurs when the art of allowing becomes second nature! Eckhart is a great teacher in this, a great teacher of surrendering to what is. How many times have you found yourself arguing with the past, even though it is already the case & there is no changing it? Trying to rewrite the scenes in which you appeared as a villain & you felt you should have been the hero? Second guessing what you said or did in this situation or that one? Regretting words you said or being angry that a past event didn't occur the way you thought it should have? Does any of that actually change the past? Of course not. Realizing this truth breaks the identification with the lie, eliminates its appearance as "absolute truth". But total acceptance heals it completely.
Like everyone, I've had my share of painful experiences, past times where I hurt others in my unconsciousness, or was hurt by theirs. It's like we're irresistibly drawn to picking on our past (& sometimes our future) like a scab on our knee we just can't leave alone. Acceptance, surrender to what is, finally heals these old wounds & even show their purpose & perfection for the current you this wounding/healing process created. I've also realized that true acceptance is the heart of unconditional love.
Bravo, my friend. You've taken a profound step, a paradigm shifter. Now is where it's at.
Regards,
OneTree
Excellent Post! I am a big follower of Eckharts teachings, and can truly relate to your thoughts! I struggle every day to get OUT of my thoughts and labeling, but understanding the power that lies in being YOU, and not your thoughts makes me know I will get there! I would offer up only this thought: Perhaps you should even refrain from labeling any part of "you" as bad! That in itself is a powerful way of getting out of the structures that your mind creates, by not labeling, you allow those things to just BE, as they are. Neither good nor bad, just... There!
OneTree, Rich,
thanks for the comments! Though I didn't say it explicitly, the yin/yang symbol was at the center of this post, meaning: all things are, and they make up the whole. Yin is not bad, yang is not bad; they each balance the other. Until I really sat down to write this, I did think "good" and "bad", but now I'm more of the mind of "it is as it is".
I did a little shamanic work last night (to be continued today and for the next few days) in integrating "shadow" parts of myself, the pieces ignored or shunted away. Turns out they have valuable gifts for me, too, some of which I had never considered. I used some of those new gifts today in a voice lesson here in Cleveland, and it was truly magical.
I'd rather be whole and be able to "be" fully.
Please e-mail me - I'd love to talk to you both more directly ... jeffrey at vallnet (dot) com.
Wow, I really needed to read your post this morning. I am struggling with my labels and shadow self as well.
I hopped over here from Joe.My.God and read frequently. I'm a fellow Alabama dweller. If you are ever in Birmingham, let me buy you some coffee. Regards. Meredith
absinthe75@yahoo.com
Thanks for the comment, Meredith! I'm at Olde Towne Coffee Shop every day (HSV) ...
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