The Right Thing

I recently found out that two of my bear buds in DC split after many years together. The One wants to pursue bondage relationships with other people. Which didn't sound strange to me at all, but made my singing wife's eyes bug out when I told her this morning at tea.

I found this out through connecting with one of them on Facebook, a web app that I'm really coming to love a lot. The Other thanked me and said that I was really the only friend to date that had reached out to him.

!

If this is indeed true, how could this be? The Other is one half of the three couples which anchor my bear universe in the DC area. Truly, have none of my bearbuds done the Right Thing and been in touch with him, bought him coffee, soothed him and told him they love him? Surely these pups of mine are not that unschooled.

But it happened to me, too when my Former and I split up, so I recognized the behavior even if I don't understand it.

In my experience, boys just don't always seem to A) know what to do and B) know what to say or C) know how to act. Clearly they were all born in a barn somewhere and had no mothers to teach them proper manners and upbringing. (I jest, but I'm also serious as a rectal exam).

Gents, what is wrong with us? Not knowing what to do does NOT equal "it's OK to do nothing". When people break up, they're BOTH hurting and BOTH need your love and care and just a hug and a pat on the hand every now and then. You were friends with both, so keep them both in your network. Don't shun! No shunning allowed. You are NOT allowed to say, "you can't play in my group anymore".

Do the Right Thing and love your friends just like you loved them before.

Because they are still your friends.

And you still love them.

SHOW it, dammit! I don't care if you "don't know what to say" or "don't know what to do". Trust me, neither one of them wants to be "left alone" right now; they want to know that they are still connected ... to YOU, their loved one, their friend, their bud.

It's a simple game, really: make a connection. ANY connection. Call. Write. Text. E-mail. Write on their Facebook Wall. Drop by. Ask them out for a cup of coffee, a pot of tea, a game of racketball, a drive in the country, a movie, a nice dinner, a porn flick, a sex party, a walk. Send flowers. Send a male stripper. Hell, send me one. After all, the best way to get over a man is to get under another one.

But honestly, all you really have to do is just this: in whatever is your favorite way, say, "tag, you're it! And by the way, I love you and I cherish you. You're in my club and you mean something to me".

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