Healing

In preparation for my upcoming two week shamanic healing intensive workshop, I've been doing a lot of pondering.

First, why in hell do I want to do this at all? It costs a lot and will take two weeks out of my life.

Second, what is healing, really?

Answering the latter, the word "heal" comes from healen, an old English word meaning "to make whole, sound and well".

That sounds good, doesn't it?

As I began thinking about this more and more, the urge to "make whole, sound and well" is what I've been after my whole life, concerning everything I do. I always want to make something better, to put it together, to make things, people, land be well. I just can't stand it when I see something that isn't well, in any sense. This was particularly difficult when I did software because I couldn't bear to let something out the door that wasn't absolutely perfect, inside and out and frequently had to be forced to do so.

Our country is unwell. Our land is unwell. Our world is unwell.

And I want to fix it all. And I know that I can't. What is the definition of "to fix" in this case, anyway?

I do know, however, that an individual and even a small group of people can inordinately effect change in large systems, either singlehandedly or by tipping a system. Witness Gandhi, Martin Luther King, jr., Genghis Khan. Rosa Parks.

When I was in massage school, I came upon this page that pretty much sums up my character as pigeon-holed by the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator scale for an INFP that declares INFP's to be the archetypal Healer. This description really pegs me, nails me flat. Funny, but true.

So, my real answer to question #1 seems to be that I'm wired up for it in lots of ways; it's what I was born to do. Once I found out about this course, there was no way I wasn't going to do it.

Years ago while reading the fantasy writings of a certain lady, she introduced a character whom she termed a Healing Adept, one whose life is dedicated to healing people, relationships, land, you name it. And when I saw that, I thought, "yeah! That's it! That's what I've always wanted to be!" A bit grandiose, perhaps, but at least my heart's in the right place.

So we'll see. For my own self, I want to be more connected, more whole. I crave deeper connections to my community, to my land, to my neighbors, my dear dear friends and to my acquaintances. I want it all to actually mean something. A bit of "physician, heal thyself" at work here, but nevertheless, it's where I'm headed.

Fear has kept me from expressing my inner Hippie, my inner Love Guru all my life. Fear of what people will think, fear of ridicule. When I really look at it, it's just another closet to have to come out of, and I've already done that once and didn't die from it. I lost a few friends the first time around, but they weren't really friends if sexuality mattered to them. I realize that "New Age Quack" is perhaps what friends might think of me from now on, but hey, it's not my job to police their thoughts, is it?

I do know that a healer doesn't actually do the healing; in my estimation what a Healer really does is to create or open a space that wasn't there before which allows healing to happen on its own. The Healer also connects, binds, brings together, fastens and synthesizes.

The ability to heal is inherent in every organism, in every system I feel, though I don't know if that is actually true or not. I suspect that it is, and I'm going to have fun for the rest of my life finding out if I'm right or not. For you esoterically minded folk who actually read this blog o' mine, stick around and find out with me ;-)

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